kel (kelicious) wrote,

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I'm not so sure about anything anymore.

I'm sick of everything you do, everything you say and everything you DON'T say. I'm finally at the point where I'm just FED THE FUCK UP. I'm sick of you telling me how you will never have feelings, just like your mom says, because people fucked it up for you in the begining. Or how you don't care about anyone but yourself. I'm sick of waiting for the late night phone calls, we all know what they're for, and looking like the helpless fool. I'm sick of your friends telling me that I'm better off without you. Yes, YOUR own friends. Of course, I never listen. Even after you tell me your friends know you best. I'm sick of your head games. I'm sick of you telling me you're having sex with four other girls besides me right now and that I probably know them all. Then in the end saying, 'I was joking.' I'm sick of you saying you're not my boyfriend. I know that you fuck. But we've been dating over nine months. You shouldn't say half the things you do, or wait, maybe you're just drunk everytime you say those things. I'm sick of you being so self absorbed, 'I can't help it if girls like me.' To tell you the truth I don't even know what the fuck I see in you. Maybe you're good with words, a sweet talker. So convincing it makes me sick. Makes me sick because I fall for it. Knowing I've been hurt many times, I fall AGAIN. I'm sick of all the suprises ie: 'I just found out I have a newborn baby' or when girls call my house at one am asking if I'm having sex with you, from your house. I'm sick of you saying, 'Did you see your boyfriend today?' Why should it be your business anyways? You've made it clear you're not my boyfriend. I'm sick of you saying, It's okay for you to date other people and I shouldn't get jealous. But if I were to date other people, it's not okay and you'd be jealous. That's not the way it is.

I've had my faults too. I can't say that I've been perfect towards you.

It seriously doesn't even feel the same anymore. I wanted another moment but it's just not going to happen. I'm not getting those butterflies when I see your number my cellphone or when I hear your voice. I don't get excited when you say you want to see me. I really don't even feel jealous when you talk about girls. I don't mind if a Friday night goes by and you're not around. I've negelected myself ever since I've met you. We're two different people, in two different points in our lives. It's not going to work right now. It probably won't work ever.

There were some great times though, when things were different between us. When we constantly hung out...and you told me all those beautiful things. I won't forget those things. That's why I loved you. For who you were when no one else was around. You're true character is who you are when no one else is looking.

I know this letter might seem crazy but really...You can't just put someone down. You have to show people both sides, "Attack and Confess."

I'm just trying to control my direction now, it's better than being controlled by it. In all honesty, as much as I love you, I hate you. Just help me find my way back to where I began.
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